Nick
I am a freshman at UC Davis and a member of Grace Alive. I want to give glory to God by testifying to how he worked in my life.
Growing up I was taught the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is to repent and believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I did what my parents told me and believed. But this was not true faith. I called myself a Christian and said all the right words, not because I truly put my trust in Christ and gave my life to him, but because I didn't want my parents on my back all the time. The older I got the more this became true. My heart attitude began to come out as I doubted my faith.
The truth was I had a problem with authority. If Christ was truly my Savior then he must also be my Lord. This means that I am to commit my life to him, to serve him and do his will. This means I cannot do my will and that bothered me. In my heart I wanted to do my own thing, to live life the way I pleased not the way God wanted me to live. I remember telling myself that I am a good person who will help others and be a good citizen but I don't want to be obligated to God. I thought I had my life all figured out. I don't need God.
My problem was my heart attitude. God cares about the heart and my heart was selfish. I was living for myself and had an attitude that was hostile to God. Deep down I knew that God has created me. I knew God existed and I knew that I was accountable to him. Yet I still did not want Christ as my Lord and so I began to doubt the credibility of the Bible.
See, I knew that there was a God and so I set out to make God who I wanted him to be so that I could do my own thing. I did not doubt the Bible because I lacked intellectual proof that the Bible was true, but because I wanted a God that served my selfish purposes. My continual denial of God and selfishness dragged me into sin and guilt. I knew I was just trying to run from God because I was unwilling to serve Christ.
It was at this time that I realized how deceitful I was being. This whole time I was challenging Christianity while also telling my friends, family and church that I was a Christian. While on the outside I was a good kid, in my mind and heart I was challenging God and my parents. By the summer before my freshman year of high school I was miserable. I was tired of living a double life, so I finally brought it up with one of the church leaders. I told him that I doubted the credibility of the Bible and was not really a Christian like I said I was.
It was then that by God's mercy He showed me the condition of my heart. It was not the lack of proof that had me doubting but my unwillingness to come under God's rule. I saw my need for Christ as my Savior and Lord. I realized how deceitful my heart is. I saw that my good works were actually nothing because it was out of selfish motives and not for God. God opened my eyes and I saw that I was really a slave to sin in not being able to do what God says.
True freedom is in Christ. I put my trust in Christ for my salvation, and gave my life to him as my Lord. Since giving my life to Christ I am no longer at odds with God. It was a great relief and truly satisfying. Instead of fighting God to do my own thing, I had purpose and meaning in life; to live for Christ. My Christian faith was now my faith, not my parent's faith or the faith of the Church. Since then I have experienced greater joy and peace since putting my trust in Christ.
As a Christian I am greatly blessed to be in a college group and a church that is truly alive for Christ and teaches the true word of God. In Grace Alive I can fellowship with other students who love Christ and love one another. I am very excited about serving Christ in college and how he will change me to be a better Christian.